I think it's funny

because it is.

Levity

I am turned off and intimidated by others like me. What does this say about me?

I am on the cusp of a huge first move away from home and into the big city, and I fear that there are factors to my personality that will significantly limit my success and happiness.

Once I've quit everything that reminds me of me, what is left? I have quit everything that I had to quit, and I am now left with just me. The ball is in my court, and the next move is mine alone to make.

Who will I call? Where will I go to be peaceful? Who will I fuck? Where will I haunt? Who will haunt me?

"I want to buy you lots of pretty things and shyly offer them to you one at a time..."

"Do you ever prepare yourself for what would happen if gravity were to switch on you? And just you? I think most of us would die a lot of the time if this happened to us..." D.A.T.

Lower your heads; Raise your hands

I deeply regret running for and winning the title of Peer Helping class president my senior year in high school. I should have let Amy have the job. Not only did she need the positive feedback from her peers, she wanted it more. I know that I would have been more passionate and involved in the class dynamic if I had something to fight against instead of being the one with all of the responsibility.

So I suppose this is my life's paradigm: I desire power, yet do not function well at the top of the totem. I need to feel suppressed in order to flourish. When I feel like I have it all, I grow tired and move on to something else. How do I repair this flaw in character?



Again my thoughts return to Darwin's "survival of the fittest" theory. The 'fittest' individuals may overcome less fit ones, but how do they fare against themselves and others like them? The theory must degenerate at some point, but I've been waiting for the end since I began...

[]

We have avoided maturation long enough. It is time to grow the fuck up.

Where are the borders?

Hogwarts

All that I can do is lend an ear.
You are my friend, and I am yours.
There's no advice I can offer; just release and encouragement.

This Morning:

rainclouds overhead
enlightened, lightened thoughts
trees in my neighborhood
crisp grapes
organic jasmine tea
cashmere scarf


.
.
.


peace of mind

Tonight:

suffocating loneliness > sapphic literature

And

That the real drug-awareness horror stories would be WAYY more effective in teaching sixth-graders the dangers of recreational drugs. D.A.R.E. should tell the stories of the 4 friends who tripped on shrooms in the forest and thought they found a gnome in the woods. They played with that "gnome" for hours. It was asking for food and water, but seemed happy to be with them. They put the gnome in the car and drove to the gas station. When they sobered up, they realized that they had a downs-syndrome child in the back seat of their car.

Or the story about the friends who took acid and thought they found an alien. They put it in their closet and when they sobered they realized it was a black child with ponytails.

Or the man who was slipped acid in his burrito by an aquaintance before seeing The Matrix. He came out of the movie theater and thought that his life had become The Matrix. He started to fight off the innocent movie-goers around him. He tripped for 4 days and when his dad came home from riding his motorcycle, this man believed his dad was Darth Vader, and his trip switched from The Matrix to Star Wars in a split second. He beat the shit out of his father, so they called the police. He tripped for 8 days, until he came to in the hospital. Now, whenever he is in a stressful situation, he has a flashback that sends him into Matrix mode again.

Or the sweet young man on the Real World: Denver, who took a lot of acid as a teen. Now, whenever someone he knows passes away, this man sees crows all around him. The Real World filmed one of his flashbacks, where he was looking all around the kitchen at imaginary crows. He called his mother to make sure his suspicions were false, and found that his grandmother had passed that same morning.


No-fuckin'-thanks, hallucinogens.

Quiche

The only thing that I miss about my last job was eating the leftover breakfast quiche.